We’ve all had toxic relationships that ended with us thinking, “Damn, I should’ve seen that coming.” It’s because most crappy relationships don’t just become crappy out of nowhere—there are signs that things are going to go downhill. We ignore those signs because we’re too caught up in our emotions to see what’s staring us in the face, but here are 12 we really should pay attention to.
1. HE RUSHES THE RELATIONSHIP.
A guy who knows what he wants is a rare bird, but there’s a difference between knowing what you want and rushing to get something you think you want. If he’s talking about exclusivity after the second or third date, go ahead and raise an eyebrow. Either he’s on the rebound from a girl who recently broke his heart or he’s a player who knows exactly what to say to get the girl even though he couldn’t be less interested in seeing one woman at a time.
2. HE DOESN’T HAVE ANY RELATIONSHIP EXPERIENCE.
You might think it’s a good thing to date a guy who’s “new” to the game. After all, virgins (not just sexual ones) are awesome. They’ve yet to be tainted by negative energy and they’re pure AF. Why wouldn’t you want to date a guy with little experience? Because that means you’re going to have to teach him how to date— how to plan dates, how to text back, how to not be a douchebag. No thanks.
3. HE HAS TOO MUCH RELATIONSHIP EXPERIENCE.
You don’t want a guy who’s never touched a girl, but a guy who’s touched too many girls isn’t good either. If he’s the kind of dude who’s always in a relationship, you have to wonder why. Is he desperate to never be alone? If so, that’s a major red flag because a guy who can’t be alone is a guy who has some issues that only a therapist can fix.
4. HIS FRIENDS ARE TOTAL DOUCHEBAGS.
His friends are all jerks who spend more time looking at themselves in the mirror than should legally be allowed. You don’t like any of his friends, not even one. They’re narcissists and if those are the type of people he hangs out with it’s because—SPOILER ALERT—he’s that kind of person. Never ignore the friends! They reveal everything you could ever need to know about a person.
5. HE’S CONSTANTLY COMPLIMENTING YOU.
Everyone loves to be complimented and usually, there’s nothing wrong with being given praise. Keyword: usually. If he’s constantly telling you how perfect you are after only dating for a month or so, you have to call BS. No one is perfect. If he’s showering you with compliments every five seconds, it’s probably because he likes the idea of you, or rather, he likes HIS idea of you but not really you.
6. HE ISN’T ON GOOD TERMS WITH ANY OF HIS EXES.
Okay, so I’m not saying he should be homies with his ex-girlfriend from the third grade, but if he legit HATES, and advertises his hate, for every single one of his exes, odds are he was the problem in those relationships. A guy who talks mad sh*t about an ex is a jerk. Unless she was seriously insane and, like, set his house on fire or something, he shouldn’t be calling her “crazy.” It’s rude AF!
7. HE’S A MESSY DRINKER.
Drunk actions speak sober thoughts. If he’s the type of drunk who gets rude and maybe even a little sexist when he drinks, please PLEASE don’t ignore that. Not to mention, a guy who spends more time drunk than sober is a low-key alcoholic (or someone on their way to becoming an alcoholic). College is over. Partying all day and night isn’t cool anymore.
8. HE’S NEVER HAD HIS HEART BROKEN.
How the hell is he a 20-something who’s never had his heart broken?? Seems fishy, no? If he’s never suffered the sting of rejection it’s because 1) he’s never fully given himself to another person or 2) he’s never dated a girl he truly liked. Literally, those are the only two options. And both options mean he’s not ready for a serious relationship right now.
9. HE COMPLAINS A LOT.
He’s a pissed off person. Sure, there are times when he’s in a good mood, but more often than not, he’s got something negative to say about someone else. It might be fun and maybe it doesn’t really bother you. But just remember, negativity is contagious. The more time you spend with someone like that, the more likely it is you’ll become a negative person. You don’t want that, do you?
10. HE HAS MOSTLY FEMALE FRIENDS.
There’s nothing more annoying than a guy who has a ton of female friends. Honestly, I say break up with that guy. Don’t even entertain someone like that. It’s not going to end well because either he’s gay or he’s a player who, instead of dating numerous girls at the same time, dates one and labels the rest “friends” when in actuality they’re possibilities.
11. HE’S A LITTLE TOO PUT-TOGETHER.
Everything he owns, including himself, is in perfect condition. Too perfect. His house is incredibly clean, his car doesn’t have a lick of trash, and his outfits are always ironed to perfection. These might sound like good characteristics, but they could also mean he’s a murderer or maybe just a control freak. Either way, both possibilities will lead to chaos.
12. HE’S NOT CLOSE WITH HIS FAMILY.
If you’re someone who’s not close to your family then this might not be a big deal for you. However, if you and your parents are best friends, you’re probably going to have a problem in the long run with a guy who doesn’t speak to his parents. It’s one thing if his family is dead (RIP), but if they’re alive and well and he’s just not able to communicate with them, you should be a little concerned. If he can’t communicate with his own blood, how’s he going to communicate with you?